When I was in High School, my mother unequivocally supported my desire to become a lawyer because I “loved to argue and always won”. It drove her mad, but it was true, and I was good it. Should my sister be responsible for doing the dishes instead of me? Obviously, and I would offer a well-thought out list of reasons and rebuttals as to why that should be the case. This perspective of the legal profession as competitive and argumentative followed me into law school too, and it was reinforced by everyone’s desperate scramble to make it through the first-year cull. It was not until my fifth and final year of university and now at the start of my legal career that I have realised that there are definitely more options, and often more productive options, than arguing that you were right or until you were right.

I should pause here to introduce myself – my name is Jessica Cooper, and I started working with Chris at Chris LaHatte Dispute Resolution about a month ago. I grew up in New Plymouth, and like most eighteen-year-olds I moved as far away from home as possible thinking that attending university would provide me with some freedom, independence, and fun. I graduated from Victoria University of Wellington in 2019 with plenty of debt, some designer eye bags and a LLB BA majoring in Law and Criminology. I am also due to be admitted in December of this year.

At no point in my journey into the legal profession did I think I would have the opportunity to be a fly on the wall in a mediation. Whilst working with Chris I have been fortunate enough to be able to sit in on countless family mediations, all in relation to a wide range of different issues. I will admit that I am relatively inexperienced and the only exposure I have had to mediation was in a dispute resolution course I completed in my fifth year of university. Here’s the thing that stood out to me as a fly on the wall: this is real life. It is easy in a mediation simulation created by a lecturer to laugh or not take the situation seriously, but it is far different in practice when I am listening to a conversation charged with real human emotions. It is real trauma, real pain, and real issues that parties are trying to address, and I have been able to see how they do that – some are angry, some feel defeated, some are optimistic, and the family dispute resolution system welcomes everyone who has been affected with open arms with the goal of reaching a resolution.

Another perk of being a fly on the wall is the freedom to focus on the otherwise unnoticeable things. Body language, for example, is big little thing. The more confrontational or strong viewed parties will cross their arms over their chest and turn their bodies away from the mediator, those who want to be listened to and heard will turn their bodies towards the mediator and lean forward. Almost everyone is understandably nervous, some individuals shake, some fidget, some are quiet in the beginning and take awhile to open up and others address the issue immediately. One thing I have noticed, which should not come to much surprise to any seasoned mediator, is Chris’s impartiality. Sometimes interesting, shocking, and controversial issues come up during a mediation that have me question “what?” to myself, yet Chris does not bat an eyelash. The requirement of neutrality is new to me and is the reason why I find his self-control in terms of body language and responses interesting. It is something that comes with time, or so Chris tells me, and the skills that I am seeing now are skills that I hope to pick up in the future.

So, what does mediation look like to a fly on the wall? I suggest you do what I have done – chase the opportunity to be a fly on the wall and embrace everything you see, hear and learn while you do it.